Butterflies

     I am down to my last two weekends in Brookings, and the butterflies are building in my stomach.  Have I managed to make all the arrangements? Have I attended to every detail?  God, this is really going to happen!!!!  After all the years of dreaming, of fantasizing, and months of planning and making arrangements, of cutting cords, this sojourn is becoming a reality. 

     I would be a liar if I didn't confess to some fears.  I think we all harbor some fears of the unknown and I certainly am not immune to them. That might shock some people. I think the difference is that sometimes we can allow our fears of things new and strange and yes, even uncomfortable, to stop us from doing something we've dreamed about. I can't tell you how many people have said to me, "You are very brave."  It doesn't feel like bravery to me; it feels like something I have to do.

     I guess my fears are the normal ones: what if I hate it (I can't really imagine THAT, but I guess it could happen)--what if I never make any friends (again, I can't imagine THAT, unless I never go out and participate in anything.  However, one of the first things I plan to do is find a choir to sing with)--what if I mis-order something at the market (Really?  Who would let one mangled meal ruin a stay in France?) Or maybe the greatest of all common fears--What if I get lost? A very wise old woman said something to me 40+ years ago--How can you be lost when you don't care where you are going? I have tried to live by those words and I have never really been lost. And besides, I am not afraid to ask for help.


    
     So, when it comes to butterflies, I need to remember that they are beautiful--colorful, magical, and often breathtaking.